Prominent Queen est. 1995

“Mom, will dad ever come back ?”

“Yes, Ji”

“When?”

“In time, darling. In time”

000000

“You don’t dare coming back, and breaking my window again, you little toad! The next time you showed up, I swear the cop will chained you up.”

The red dyed hair, Ji, just walked away, lifting her middle finger up in the air, while smoking deeply. Rummaging through the backpack, careful not to drop the freshly stolen money (of course the old man didn’t notice), she fished out a worn ipod,

‘Fifty members of basic supplies cartels, The One, were found dead. It is believed ‘The Abolisher’ is on the mission again’  One of the breaking news was broadcasted from a TV behind the display, beside side as she walked through.

“Like fuck I would!” She shouted at the man, without looking back. ‘Beside you had no more money, old man’ . To that, she earned a flying knife, where she could avoid without blinking. Carelessly, she played her favorite “Songs of Hope” playlist right away.

It was a rather windy time in summer day, around the city of Kork. Ain’t there any difference in Kork than the rest of the world, if only doomsday didn’t wiped out the whole town, living them with nothing but junks. Nowadays, it’s a daily routine to scrap foods from garbage can, or if you have guts, steal.

So, that was what Ji always picked. Why eating dirt, if money can provides you chips (and fish, if you have the ball to steal more)? However, if the cops caught you, good luck with that. You never knew the hell of a jail, until you are chained in one, in the city of Kork.

It seemed like the plugged music inside her ears were too much for her to pay attention of the surroundings, that she didn’t realize she arrived on her destination much faster than intended. Of course, as early as around that time, the old, fat, lazy, man, the apartment owner, had  yet left to city center (example, for gambling, or more drinks).

“Hey asshole, you dare to be late on paying the rent, I’m gonna take the lights out again, you hear me?” He cursed as a big fat blonde without a bra clinging and making out to him in the sofa of the lobby (followed by a super annoying moan).

“Yes, yes, old man. Just make sure you dispose your used condoms in the right place. I don’t want wasting any time rewashing just because someone is too drunk to reach garbage can, and throwing it on someone’s hanging clothes instead”

A bottle crashed toward the wall beside her and another ‘F*ck off’ series followed. She just laughed it off, and climbed the stairs, reaching her 2x3m rented space.

“It wasn’t paradise, but it was home”  Ji shivered as that one lyric line hit exactly the moment she landed her tired butt on the shabby bed.  What a good line to start thinking, and daydreaming again.

Not that it was the first time, technically.

“Well, isn’t that portray what it takes in life, gentleman?” She muttered rather to herself, in the attempt to shoo away the imaginary judging voices and crowds inside her head.

Maybe, enough of thinking tonight.

Ji took turn to stare both the good stolen $1000 and the freshly torn paper from above her desk. Both made her snicker.

Maybe, it’s a good time today, to gather her thought and to write something down.

So that’s what Ji did. She fished out a pen, and grabbed a piece of paper. Sitting down nicely in front of her messy desk, and started to write,

“My name is, Ji, and I am 23.

I don’t know who I am, although most certainly people calls me by names.

Smartass, thief, cunt, junkie, orphan, without papers, any many other more.

I know you’re confused, so I’m going to trace back to the time I was born.

Before I was born, my father wished I was a boy. It’s easier to handle them. At least belt will always be handy doing its wonder, for creatures with penis.

Of course, a boy won’t need to be groomed. A boy can bear family name.

When I was 7 months in the womb, my father found out I have a vagina, not a pair of balls. He started to accuse my mom for being a useless woman.

So I was born. My mom almost died during the labor, so that’s adding the icing of the reasons why my father won’t even bother to know who I am.

You’d be probably wondering if I was barely born, how did I manage to find out about the story? My mom, that’s the answer.

Which of course, along with the other affirming conditions, at the age of 5, I learned one truth: My father wasn’t the only one who wished I was a boy out of the parents line.

It took me about 10 years: the continuous fight and fingers pointed at me saying I was the curse of my family,  the continuous passive-aggressive attitude of treating me that I was the problem of their verbally-physically abusive behavior toward me, I was the reason they don’t have adequate relationship. To top it all, when the first time I saw my brother was born suddenly,  I am like the dusty and worn off toys in the back of 80% off section in Walmart.

But I grew up. I made them proud. I tried to (trying very hard). My dad loved bulshit talkings about politics, acting like he’s the best goddamn judge on earth, so I go to law school., wishing he’d noticed me by then.

 

My mom loved his incredibly hellish and toxic oldman, so I fake out every single damn time to enjoy our visit to his place (and eventually meeting her equally toxic siblings).

 

I go to church every single Sunday. That, pretty much summing up how fake it was, from the amount of me cursing around here, right?

 

And suddenly, I was 19, on my graduation day, with a summa laude title, giving speech. Of course, my father won’t bother to attend. He had more important jobs to do, than being with his daughter.

 

My mom came, bombarding with the same old tricks saying I should’ve understood my father’s condition, of the situations where he was raised as child (that I had to understand why he would never fully accept me as a person, a human being).

 

That night, I decided to take a stroll around the city, by my own. Countless strings of over studying and ambitiously staying in the top of the game (so both my father, my mother, and my grandfather will approve my existence) undoubtedly left me with no friends. It was quiet walk and contemplation when I met a drunk guy, passed out on 5th Avenue. I helped him, that’s what the church taught you.

 

Love bloomed, from my side. He was so skillful to swoop me off my feet, enabling the feeling of being valued, loved, and respected that I long more than anything, by the time My brother tried to warn me. But I brushed him off, telling he was just jealous of what I have.

 

I thought, finally, I found my fairytale. Finally, someone really loved me for who I am. Finally, someone wanted me. So, I was ready to give him almost everything, even thinking of sleeping with him once. (I’ll save you the suspense, I was a virgin). The sleeping was done, and so is my heart.

 

Right after the flash steamy night, war broke out. My mom, my dad, and the fucking prick died. I was overjoyed, of course. The only problem is that, my father made sure my name was written off his final will. And I finally ended up on the street.

 

It was rough couple of times, being a homeless, jobless prick.  My knowledge of law surprisingly helped me to be taken as the part of a dangerous street tribe, using me to be their personal kryptonite for the police to not bother our territory.  Correction, I finally knew it later, it’s their territory. I was never in.

 

So I ran away. Nearly died again, couple of times, because of that. Surely I learned one thing, better than I have ever been, I was completely free, loved, wanted, by me.

 

It was beautiful.

 

…. Although not necessarily perfect.

 

Here I am, being a solo scavenger, because I know, trusting means an abolishment, for you.

 

LIfe in the world is an unwelcoming period of time. To survive means to kill or to be killed.

 

I’m glad my parents never truly wanted me. I’m glad I psychologically tortured my brother  by clearly showing I never wanted him in my personal life. Or else, I would’ve never been the ghost everyone kept on telling today:

 

The Abolisher

 

I’m glad  that I’m free.

 

Because only that, is the reason why you can call me by the name everyone feared out. And maybe, maybe, it was me.

 

Deviously, she put down the pen, re-read the paper, smiled a bit, and piled it among thousands of paper, things telling the same story, over and over again.

 

Suddenly, the room turned dark, and the sky crashed down.

 

Out of the crushed ceiling, a girl in a patient robe came out, and putting her VR down.

 

“Are you done for today’s session, Ji?”

 

The girl, grinned.

 

“Yes, dr. Cable.”

 

The old wise looking doctor smiled, sympathetically.

 

“Which virtual reality therapy recording do you wish to show your parents after today’s session?”

 

She flashed her mysterious glance, “The peaceful ones, as usual”

 

dr.Cable fished out a pre-recorded file out, and eventually deleting the original version just recorded, also adding, “We understand”

 

dr.Cable was halfway through the door when the girl’s voice became audible, full of anger, again,

 

“Doctor, remember to choose the reality you want to believe in, wisely”

 

He took a deep breathe, ensured he’s going to regret this in some way, but still is going to do it, “Sure, young master”

 

00000000

 

A quarrelling couple shutted down, once the sound of male’s heel hitting the floor around them. Both quickly flashed warm and business style smile in the presence of the older man.

 

“Ah, dr.Cable. What a pleasant help you did,” the man spoke.

 

“Yes, we highly appreciate your help for our dear, and precious Ji. It’s good that in the past 4 years, she landed in your hands,” the woman followed, rather gracefully.

 

dr.Cable literally felt like puking. Of course, if he actually did, he will be charged for going against his oath as a doctor.

 

“Is everything alright, doctor?” the man continued.

 

“Yes. Everything has been wonderful. Ji is my favorite patient, after all.”

 

“We understand, doctor. But since we love her very much, I’m sure you understand that we need to take her back with us,” the woman assured, sounding somewhat devious.

 

dr.Cable swallowed the lump in his throat. Out of all people, he knew the best that those were the lies. They only needed Ji for her signature, for whatever reason it will followed.

 

So this, had to be done, one way or another.

 

‘Que sera sera’

 

“I’m sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Abern, but Ji is not coming back to you.”

 

The went silent for a while.

 

“What do you mean she’s not coming back?”

 

Two mysterious silenced gunshot penetrated, followed by two lifeless bodies laying on the floor.

 

“Because you both would have been abolished by the time she was free”

00000

 

“In what time. Mommy?”

“In the time things can be return, maybe if you can be born a boy”

 

00000

 

May 9th, 2019

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