Prominent Queen est. 1995

Present Day
“Did you hear a girl from editorial department committed suicide yesterday?”
“Seriously? I heard that the girl always looked vibrant and positive. How could that be?”
“I don’t know. Perhaps she was just a little cuckoo in the inside. Who knows?”

This was the nth time of the day that Grant caught people talking about the just-in infamous case. Damn, he just wished everyone adapted some kind of common sense to stop talking about “trend.” Human beings were always ignorant, after all, eh?

Suddenly, a familiar tone from his phone filled the air. Edward.

“Hey, just checking. I heard there’s a suicide in your office. You okay, sweetheart?”

Grant smiled. He always wondered how could he and his partner shared this deep sense of connection. So, instead of texting back, he switched to call.

“Well, well. Looked like someone really do need some comfort.”

Grant chuckled, “He sure does. You know what, this person is so privileged to have someone he could turn to. Spoiler, this someone is too gorgeous, he thought will be drown in this person’s abundance.”

“Wow, young man. He does sound awesome, and you sound like a sap. You sure you’re not giving him too much credit? Sometimes assholes dressed as gentlemen, you know.”

“Nah. My judgments never fail.” Grant caught a crisp laughter from the other line.

“So, what’s your trouble, young man?”

Grant inhaled deeply, “Do you remember the young 20 something girl I had told you few nights back?”

“I sure do. You seemed to be obsessed of her. Almost got me jealous.”

Tensed silence suddenly filled the air, “Wait, don’t you tell me, Grant….”

“Yes, Ed. That was the girl who committed suicide. Yesterday, to be accurate.”

If Edward would have stood before him, Grant believed the man would had looked so awkward, wanting to soothe him, but was very dumbfounded about what to be said.

“Well, when will the funeral be?”

“I don’t know, Ed. But I’m on my way to Lorna, her direct supervisor. Lorna must’ve known something about her.”

“Okay. Do you need me to accompany you? I can reschedule my agendas and flight, you know.”

Grant knew Edward too much. He knew that Edward always meant well, sometimes too much like a mother hen for this world’s sense. Yet, he didn’t feel like budging his beloved partner, at least not then.

“No, Ed. I got this.”

“You sure?”

Grant didn’t answer. Of course, Edward wouldn’t be able to witness how many untold agendas that Grant unleashed.

“I am. Anyway, I’ve gotta go, now. Tell me once you’ve arrived, so that I can pick you up at the airport.”

As Edward blew some kissy noise, Grant’s mind wandered. ‘What if I did that anyway? Would she still be here?’

He didn’t realize the line was still on, as suddenly Edward’s very concerned voice filled his ears. “Hey, Grant. This is not your fault, okay? Just because you once were like her, and you didn’t get to save her, doesn’t mean this is your responsibility.”

Grant hated when Edward read him like an open book, even during physical distance.
“I know. I’ll be fine. Bye, darling.”

For the first time in a while, Grant felt bad for not telling complete truth to Edward.
20 Years Ago

“Take that shit, sissy boy.”
It was already the early 2000s. Still, the world hasn’t shown any intent to be a safe, or at least more friendly, place to anyone who was different.

The bullies had left. Young Grant couldn’t feel neither his nose or his head.
Honestly, it wasn’t the first time. As a teenager, back in the 90s, he had it worse. He knew he was gay, long before he realized the word exist. Being raised in the House of the Lord, he never got the chance to admit it, not even to his mom. He didn’t want to upset his mom in front of Jesus. His father was always away for work, and his siblings always ignored him, for they didn’t want to be associated with the peculiar child of the household.
Even the way his mother found out his sexuality was pretty comical, in a sense. It was a night after a homecoming party. Being too drunk, he never comprehended the whole picture. The boy (who happened to be a closeted gay as well), much later would have retold how Grant attempted to kiss him, which turned to be mutual attraction. It was just an unfortunate event and timing, because as they were kissing lightly, Grant’s mom caught the act. She was just wordlessly crying hard, and returned to her room promptly.
As Grant didn’t want to upset his mom or any family member any further, he packed his belongings and sneakily left, that very night, without saying goodbye. That day, Grant officially became a high school dropout, broke, and homeless. From that day, Grant scrapped of jobs, anything that could feed him, and let him continue life. As in every other closeted status, there were always ways where his secret be found out. Take the case of his last job. The cause of his last termination, 3 months prior? A coworker reported him for being an HIV positive patient, and the company wouldn’t want to be associated with such act any further.

He wondered where did he commit mistakes again, this time. That day, he was just using his worn backpack, with a rainbow flag pin on it. It was his first time in weeks to do grocery shopping. Grant didn’t have a lot of money left. He barely could pay the rent nor bill. In fact, that month was the last, before he would be kicked out for good. Grant knew that if he begged his parents, they would be willingly loan him some money. Even, they wouldn’t mind taking him back to the house. Yet Grant didn’t want it. He was 24, going on 25. A lot of people had lived a steady life, including his siblings, by then. Unlike him, he was just another irrelevant being, a looser, a burden, and it was his fault. He believed so. Therefore, he didn’t want to involve anyone to his fiasco any further.

As he passed through a bridge, Grant took the moment to gaze at the water beneath. It then encouraged him to stay, and let himself be mesmerized by it. The only thing flashed through his mind was how fresh it would be to just be completely surrounded by water, and didn’t have to worry about affording a life the next day.

Gaze turned to wonder, wonder turned into thought, thought turned into unspoken power.

Like the impromptu discovery of his gayness, Grant just jumped off, as if it was just a natural thing to do. For once, he felt how light his head became. It was very nice.

For once, he didn’t have to protect himself, just to succumb to the lightness and the pleasant.

For once, he felt truly belong.

To Be Continued

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For

To Be Continued