What is one of the single greatest pet peeves I can ever get in my life?
To answer that, I will always pick people’s suggestion of “Just don’t overthink about it, Lidya.”
I know, I know. People often mean well when they address such speech. Even, sometimes, people who are fond of me the most, love me by saying that.
Yet, I wouldn’t back off from saying that even if it is categorized as a ‘friendly or loving suggestion,’ “encouraging” me to not overthink is like getting “Ow, you became fatter,” from your long-forgotten-and-super-annoying elementary school colleague, who have no idea that you just got steroid treatment. Such sayings are annoying as hell.
Perhaps people will then ask, “Why? Why would you be offended by such words in some way or the other?”
Let me tell you why: Because I am a natural overthinker. It is like my whole automatic system. It is not something I consciously plan to do. It is just what it is. My mind works in dots, in a very fast and vast pace. I think way ahead, to the point that even current reality became some tiny, irrelevant dot to the universe of my thinking. I don’t know if there will come a day when I can “just relax,” or “to stop, or at least to lessen my overthinking.” It certainly will ease me in achieving my goals, and help me to live in the ever-changing-always-getting-more-complicated, reality. To be less of an overthinker will surely help me to do simple things easily, like breathing or picking gelato flavours over the counter. Yet, for now, I don’t think it will happen anytime near, nor quickly.
After all, you don’t come to people with hearing impairment, who struggle to understand the beauty of BTS’s music by saying, “Stop saying anything, just listen,” do you? Even if I am in that position, I wouldn’t be able to comprehend about how I should react. Nevertheless, one thing I will assure: I will never ask them to just listen, because they naturally can not do it.
I didn’t write this to have people understand me, nor to make them having this tendency to treat me the way I wish to be treated. Rather, as I have mentioned in the title, if I can pick, I would always hope people don’t ask me to not overthink. Because, as is expected, in my way of living, thinking = overthinking. There’s no in between.
Maybe, maybe, instead of asking me to not overthink, to have people who help me simplify the naturally complex universe called my head would make me feel less alienated. Yet, I am fully aware, how unrealistic that wish can be. After all, people don’t owe me anything. They have all the right to say or judge me the way they wish to do, to be, to become.
So, I can only say I wish it wasn’t told.
But, even if it is, I will nor can not complain.
February 28th, 2021
Feeling proud that I can finish my chores over the weekend, in the midst of super tiring, mentally exhausting, and frustrating times in life
Prominent Queen est. 1995 